Growing up I had a list- a list of names that I wanted to name my children one day. I was thinking 5 was a good number, a mix of boys and girls. My names were highly flowery in nature- more from an earlier generation and not necessarily names that were popular at the time. Some were names that came from books that had inspired me through the years. For example I was determined to have a little girl with the middle name of Anne- Anne with an ‘e’ that is just so I could make a connection to the beloved classic- Anne of Green Gables.
So when it came time for Ben and I to talk through baby names I have to confess that had more than one option to consider. In my heart of hearts from the beginning of our pregnancy our baby was a girl so I naturally migrated towards girl names. One name that came up in our discussion was Emma. You see while Ben and I were dating I had a day dream of sorts that included a little girl named Emma- wasn’t sure why at the time so I wrote it down and put it on the back burner for the time being (if I remember correctly this was during our annual insurance meeting- something about maternity packages got my brain to start dreaming :).
Emma- why did this name keep coming up? The more we talked about this name the more I liked it and as soon as the gender was confirmed I started calling our little one Emma. Now for a middle name… my first thought was Emma Leigh. I thought it would be fun to reclaim my old middle name somehow, but when you said the two names together it sounded a bit funny- more like Emily than two separate names. Towards the end of our summer home the name Ruth came to my mind, but I didn’t vocalize it. On a drive to pick up dinner Ben threw out the name Ruth. I couldn’t believe it- we had both separately thought of the same name. Perhaps this was the one? But still we decided to play around with options a bit. After all our ultrasound that said girl was quite early. What if we were having a boy?
So we put the naming of our child aside until we were able to 100% confirm that we were indeed having a daughter. Then we felt like we could move forward with officially naming our little girl. As I started thinking through the significance of these names- Emma and Ruth several things came to mind.
Emma…
Emma was the name of Ben’s great-grandmother. Her engagement diamond is part of my engagement ring. She was a teacher and helped support her granddaughter through college (Ben’s Mom). Since Ben and I have been together I have heard many a story of this women and her faith.
Ruth…
During high school and college a book that I turned to many times was ‘Lady in Waiting’. It was a book that used the story of Ruth to share the importance of God’s timing and provision. In China I actually found copies of this book in Chinese and was able to share it with my Chinese friends. On another note, after our miscarriage the fall of 2013 Ben and I missed several Sunday mornings at fellowship. During that time we both went through an online study of Ruth. It was a healing time for myself as we worked through all that had taken place in only a few months after being married. The story of Ruth for as long as I can remember has held a special place in my life.
Our daughter will not carry the name of the famous heroine in Anne of Green Gables, nor will she carry one of the antique names that I penned as a young girl, but her name will hold special meaning to us both as her name didn’t come over night, but rather through the years.
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Saturday, May 17, 2014
Moving On
Written on: May 12, 2014
For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a teacher. From the time I was young I was creating crafts, projects, and even tests for my sister as well as my friends to complete under my tutelage. When I went to college there was no question what I would major in- teaching of course. It was my dream, my passion… I lived and breathed children’s literature, would lie awake at night laying out plans for my future classroom, and absolutely loved shopping and finding items for my classroom whether that be at a back to school sale at Target or visiting a local teacher supply store. In some ways I think it was in my blood. It has been something I have wanted to do since I was in the third grade.
You see I had an amazing 3rd grade teacher. A teacher that believed in me, that supported me, and even cried with me (third grade was the year that I got glasses- it was a bit rough to say the least). I knew after leaving her class I wanted to be her. I wanted to inspire and shape a group of children through education. So despite the fact that I was only 9 years old- I knew this was what I was meant to do.
I am currently wrapping up my tenth year of teaching. Add a college and Master’s degree to the mix it and has been quite the adventure. Three years of third grade teaching at the same school I did my student teaching at followed by seven years in China- a place that I have come to call home. Has it always been easy? Have I always loved it? No, there have been days I have been so exhausted, so frustrated… ready to give in, but in the back of my mind I always knew this was what I was meant to do. Two years of my teaching career in China I served as both the 2nd grade teacher and elementary principal. It was a lot and most days I felt like I was in way over my head. It was absolutely tiring and during this time I acquired hives that have yet to go away. My health was not the best, but despite this I knew the Father had called me to both of these jobs and I was content.
At the end of last school year I was given the chose to continue teaching or to serve as a full time administrator. Although there were things that I enjoyed about each of my jobs I knew I couldn’t give up teaching (my first love :). So after a two day retreat it was decided that I would no longer be principal, but would focus on teaching. This was an extremely difficult decision to make, but I knew in my heart of hearts that this is what I needed to do.
As this school year went on I began to feel a tug on my heart that this would be my last year of teaching and that after ten years it was time to take a break. Yes, I knew a break would be good for my health, but to be honest I wasn’t exactly sure why God was leading me in this direction. So after talking to my bosses we began to move forward with the plan of me not teaching the following year.
Just like in some ways I felt like I had lost my identify when I was married once again I feel like I am losing my identify as I step done from all that is familiar in life. I no longer need to buy items for my students in the summer, I don’t need to create supply lists or schedules…. ultimately my role will change in the community. Although I am not 100% sure what next year will look like I am looking forward to seeing what opportunities I have as I move into more of a part time role.
Ultimately I would love to start a family, to spend more time with the families in our community, and to help new staff get settled. I have no idea what the future holds, but I know who holds the future. Am I stepping out in faith? That I am, but I am confident that the same Heavenly Father that has been walking by my side throughout my life, who put a desire to teach on my heart, will also be working and molding me into exactly the person He needs me to be.
May I be faithful to follow Him and to be open to new possibilities in the future :).
For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a teacher. From the time I was young I was creating crafts, projects, and even tests for my sister as well as my friends to complete under my tutelage. When I went to college there was no question what I would major in- teaching of course. It was my dream, my passion… I lived and breathed children’s literature, would lie awake at night laying out plans for my future classroom, and absolutely loved shopping and finding items for my classroom whether that be at a back to school sale at Target or visiting a local teacher supply store. In some ways I think it was in my blood. It has been something I have wanted to do since I was in the third grade.
You see I had an amazing 3rd grade teacher. A teacher that believed in me, that supported me, and even cried with me (third grade was the year that I got glasses- it was a bit rough to say the least). I knew after leaving her class I wanted to be her. I wanted to inspire and shape a group of children through education. So despite the fact that I was only 9 years old- I knew this was what I was meant to do.
I am currently wrapping up my tenth year of teaching. Add a college and Master’s degree to the mix it and has been quite the adventure. Three years of third grade teaching at the same school I did my student teaching at followed by seven years in China- a place that I have come to call home. Has it always been easy? Have I always loved it? No, there have been days I have been so exhausted, so frustrated… ready to give in, but in the back of my mind I always knew this was what I was meant to do. Two years of my teaching career in China I served as both the 2nd grade teacher and elementary principal. It was a lot and most days I felt like I was in way over my head. It was absolutely tiring and during this time I acquired hives that have yet to go away. My health was not the best, but despite this I knew the Father had called me to both of these jobs and I was content.
At the end of last school year I was given the chose to continue teaching or to serve as a full time administrator. Although there were things that I enjoyed about each of my jobs I knew I couldn’t give up teaching (my first love :). So after a two day retreat it was decided that I would no longer be principal, but would focus on teaching. This was an extremely difficult decision to make, but I knew in my heart of hearts that this is what I needed to do.
As this school year went on I began to feel a tug on my heart that this would be my last year of teaching and that after ten years it was time to take a break. Yes, I knew a break would be good for my health, but to be honest I wasn’t exactly sure why God was leading me in this direction. So after talking to my bosses we began to move forward with the plan of me not teaching the following year.
Just like in some ways I felt like I had lost my identify when I was married once again I feel like I am losing my identify as I step done from all that is familiar in life. I no longer need to buy items for my students in the summer, I don’t need to create supply lists or schedules…. ultimately my role will change in the community. Although I am not 100% sure what next year will look like I am looking forward to seeing what opportunities I have as I move into more of a part time role.
Ultimately I would love to start a family, to spend more time with the families in our community, and to help new staff get settled. I have no idea what the future holds, but I know who holds the future. Am I stepping out in faith? That I am, but I am confident that the same Heavenly Father that has been walking by my side throughout my life, who put a desire to teach on my heart, will also be working and molding me into exactly the person He needs me to be.
May I be faithful to follow Him and to be open to new possibilities in the future :).
Sunday, April 20, 2014
New Chapter
Written on January 13, 2014
Edited on April 20, 2014
For 6 and ½ years I have taught in the same school building. I have moved multiple times (5 if I counted correctly). Some rooms have been nice and spacious (especially when you only have 6 students) while others have been tight (like that time I was in a half classroom with 9 students). There were definitely moments of frustration- when the power went out, when the heat just didn’t seem to work, when technology broke down, when there were unexpected visits and people crowded into the back of your classroom to observe ‘the foreign teacher’…. and on and on I could go. Despite all of these things these aren’t the things that stand out in my mind. Don’t get me wrong I love our new school building and after many years of praying and planning it has been a huge blessing to be able to move into our new space. At the same time it is a bit bittersweet. The building we were in for so many years has so many sweet memories.
Here are just a few:
1-International Days we hosted outside- one of my first introductions to the International community we live in
2-Tri-school events where students from a local Chinese and French school crammed into our classrooms to hear the Christmas story and to complete crafts and activities.
3-Weekend practices for a staff number in the talent show- still can’t believe I did this!
4-Open Houses where families from around the world entered our classrooms and interacted with other families.
5-Mother’s Day teas in my classroom where Moms and their children enjoyed each other’s company.
6-Multiplication Musicals, class skits, and presentations where staff, parents and students visited our classroom.
7-Participating as a Science Fair judge two years in a row- checking out student projects with my students.
8-Having Ben visit my classroom to read stories, present about Texas, check out projects, and interact with my students.
9-Serving as our school’s elementary principal for two years- having an office space, attending meetings, and being able to be a voice for the elementary team.
10-Dress-up days for unit parties- 13 Colonies and Ancient Egypt as well as school-wide school spirit days.
11-Attending weekly assemblies and discussions that have stemmed from what was shared.
12-Literature Nights run by me and my roomie
13-Two accreditation visits- both completely different
14-Baby and wedding showers
And on and on I could go…now on to a new chapter… what memories do we have in store next?
Edited on April 20, 2014
For 6 and ½ years I have taught in the same school building. I have moved multiple times (5 if I counted correctly). Some rooms have been nice and spacious (especially when you only have 6 students) while others have been tight (like that time I was in a half classroom with 9 students). There were definitely moments of frustration- when the power went out, when the heat just didn’t seem to work, when technology broke down, when there were unexpected visits and people crowded into the back of your classroom to observe ‘the foreign teacher’…. and on and on I could go. Despite all of these things these aren’t the things that stand out in my mind. Don’t get me wrong I love our new school building and after many years of praying and planning it has been a huge blessing to be able to move into our new space. At the same time it is a bit bittersweet. The building we were in for so many years has so many sweet memories.
Here are just a few:
1-International Days we hosted outside- one of my first introductions to the International community we live in
2-Tri-school events where students from a local Chinese and French school crammed into our classrooms to hear the Christmas story and to complete crafts and activities.
3-Weekend practices for a staff number in the talent show- still can’t believe I did this!
4-Open Houses where families from around the world entered our classrooms and interacted with other families.
5-Mother’s Day teas in my classroom where Moms and their children enjoyed each other’s company.
6-Multiplication Musicals, class skits, and presentations where staff, parents and students visited our classroom.
7-Participating as a Science Fair judge two years in a row- checking out student projects with my students.
8-Having Ben visit my classroom to read stories, present about Texas, check out projects, and interact with my students.
9-Serving as our school’s elementary principal for two years- having an office space, attending meetings, and being able to be a voice for the elementary team.
10-Dress-up days for unit parties- 13 Colonies and Ancient Egypt as well as school-wide school spirit days.
11-Attending weekly assemblies and discussions that have stemmed from what was shared.
12-Literature Nights run by me and my roomie
13-Two accreditation visits- both completely different
14-Baby and wedding showers
And on and on I could go…now on to a new chapter… what memories do we have in store next?
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Childlike Faith
Written on: April 2nd (in route from Beijing to Wuhan)
We were all a child once. We knew no limits, we dreamed big, our biggest worry was the monster under our bed or if our best friend would share their markers with us during art class. There was an innocence… a gullibility at times… we trusted, we loved unconditionally and we looked at life through rose tinted glasses- life was an amazing adventure in which even the smallest victories were looked upon as huge successes…but somewhere a transition happened. We began to see life for what it was really worth. We began to notice heart break, suffering…we learned about sickness, disease, sickness, addictions…the chaos of sin. We began to find it hard to trust others and found it easier to live inward rather than outwardly accepting those around us. Is this normal and why does this happen?
Over Spring Break Ben and I were in Beijing for a few days. During our stay we visited the local Zoo. One particular exhibit that stood out to me was the polar bear house. A group of Chinese children in matching green athletic gear were running from window to window in search of the polar bear. Words cannot begin to describe their excitement as they shouted to their friends about the polar bears whereabouts. When they finally saw him they quickly all ran to the windows trying to get the best view. We didn’t exactly share in the student’s excitement. All we noticed was how the habitat didn’t seem suitable for the polar bear and that he was clearly unhappy. So why the difference in our reactions?
I believe that as adults we quickly lose focus. We spend so much time worrying about our circumstances (our surroundings-our habitat so to speak) that we lose sight of the one who is in charge. Rather than focusing on the here and now (the excitement of being at the Zoo for example) we spend our time making ‘to do’ lists in our head, pondering and worrying over everything under the sun. This means many times we miss out on the little blessings that the Father puts before us. For the students we saw at the Zoo they weren’t focused on the crowds, the hot weather, or the bugs…they were completely content to watch the animals with their friends.
How often do we forget to slow down- to stop and smell the roses so to speak? Have we as adults become so consumed with the negative of life that we have lost our childlike faith and trust? So as I return to the chaos of life my hope and prayer is that I will remember my trip to the Zoo and the lessons that were brought to the forefront from a group of excited little children. For He said…. “Let the little children come unto me…”
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Control and Change
Written on February 28, 2014
Have you ever had a timeline? A schedule of when you thought certain things should happen? Well I feel like I have had both of these running in my mind my whole life. When would I go to China? When would I get married? When would I have kids? In my mind I had everything figured out, but I had left something out of the picture- something very important.
I had left God out of all my ‘planning’ and ‘scheduling’. I was doing everything backwards. After all He knew me inside and out, He knew my past, present, and future. Not only that He knows my fears and dreams and ultimately what is best for me. Why haven’t I put Him first before planning my whole life out? Why do I not trust Him and relinquish control of all the thoughts I have swirling around in my head?
Two words- control and change…
I want to be in control of what happens in my life- so I plan, I organize -not always a bad thing, but at the same time it is easy to go overboard in this area. I have been told by multiple people on a variety of occasions that I just need to relax; to chill, not always easy to do with a never ending list running in my head.
Change- although since living in China I have found myself a bit more flexible than my old self I still find it extremely difficult to accept and embrace change- especially when there isn’t time to process through change that is taking place. For example in the past year I have moved to a new apartment, have a new roommate- my husband, moved to a new school building, had a new teaching intern, stepped down as elementary principal- just to name a few. Although many of these changes are good in and of themselves they still come with their share of challenges as well as periods of transition.
So I cling tightly to what I can grab on to and at times wade through the chaos of daily life.
I don’t think I will ever be able to fully step away from my ‘planning’ nature- in many ways this is what makes me who I am- who doesn’t enjoy a well- planned out event?
At the same time I would like to get past the point where I can truly say ‘Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done’ and be okay with sitting back and letting God do His thing. After all can’t I trust Him?
Looking back at my life there were so many things I had planned out in my head that didn’t pan out how I thought they should. Does this mean He didn’t care or that what I wanted was thrown to the wayside? No, I still made it to China, I still got married… just not on my time table… does this mean that He will always give us the things on our timeline- not necessarily, but in the end I know in my heart of hearts we serve a God who loves us. He knows exactly what we need and when we need it. He doesn’t make mistakes, there are no accidents. Many times I think He is just waiting for us to surrender control.
Have you ever had a timeline? A schedule of when you thought certain things should happen? Well I feel like I have had both of these running in my mind my whole life. When would I go to China? When would I get married? When would I have kids? In my mind I had everything figured out, but I had left something out of the picture- something very important.
I had left God out of all my ‘planning’ and ‘scheduling’. I was doing everything backwards. After all He knew me inside and out, He knew my past, present, and future. Not only that He knows my fears and dreams and ultimately what is best for me. Why haven’t I put Him first before planning my whole life out? Why do I not trust Him and relinquish control of all the thoughts I have swirling around in my head?
Two words- control and change…
I want to be in control of what happens in my life- so I plan, I organize -not always a bad thing, but at the same time it is easy to go overboard in this area. I have been told by multiple people on a variety of occasions that I just need to relax; to chill, not always easy to do with a never ending list running in my head.
Change- although since living in China I have found myself a bit more flexible than my old self I still find it extremely difficult to accept and embrace change- especially when there isn’t time to process through change that is taking place. For example in the past year I have moved to a new apartment, have a new roommate- my husband, moved to a new school building, had a new teaching intern, stepped down as elementary principal- just to name a few. Although many of these changes are good in and of themselves they still come with their share of challenges as well as periods of transition.
So I cling tightly to what I can grab on to and at times wade through the chaos of daily life.
I don’t think I will ever be able to fully step away from my ‘planning’ nature- in many ways this is what makes me who I am- who doesn’t enjoy a well- planned out event?
At the same time I would like to get past the point where I can truly say ‘Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done’ and be okay with sitting back and letting God do His thing. After all can’t I trust Him?
Looking back at my life there were so many things I had planned out in my head that didn’t pan out how I thought they should. Does this mean He didn’t care or that what I wanted was thrown to the wayside? No, I still made it to China, I still got married… just not on my time table… does this mean that He will always give us the things on our timeline- not necessarily, but in the end I know in my heart of hearts we serve a God who loves us. He knows exactly what we need and when we need it. He doesn’t make mistakes, there are no accidents. Many times I think He is just waiting for us to surrender control.
Sunday, February 16, 2014
What is Love?
As February has been given the title ‘the month of love’ it seems that the topic of love and all that it encompasses seems to be everywhere- from commercials and TV shows, to ads and decorations. As Valentine’s Day drew near I started processing through the concept of love in a whole new light. Being married changes your perspective on certain things and I found myself redefining my understanding of love due to changes that had taken place in my own life.
The two Valentines celebrations that Ben and I shared before we were married were with others- we enjoyed conversation and Cheerwine over dinner. One year we dressed up and the next we stayed closer to home and went the more casual route. Regardless each one was special in its own way. This year was a bit unique in that Valentine’s Day was on a Friday night of a school week (last year Valentine’s Day fell during Chinese New Year break) and it was also the same day as the 100th Day of school along with a Chinese holiday- the annual Lantern festival. This meant that my time with my students on this day was going to be a bit crazy. I love holidays and enjoy celebrating them with my students, but trying to smush two in to one day is madness. I was up super late the night before putting treats together for my students and checking off a long ‘to do’ list to make sure I had everything I needed for the big day. Ben knew that the week was going to be crazy so he gave me his gifts on Wednesday and Thursday. It was great getting them early as I was able to enjoy them more than I probably would have in the chaos of Friday.
As of Friday afternoon we still didn’t have a plan for the evening and it wasn’t until we were walking out the door that a plan was made- eat somewhere close to home and then watch a movie. I was content with this choice- after all we were both exhausted from the week and the thought of getting all dressed up to go across town didn’t seem too exciting. That evening we were able to continue our tradition of drinking Cheerwine and shared stories of people that had meant a lot to us over the past year (both traditions we started our first V-day together :)
Despite my contentment at the time I couldn’t help fighting off feelings of sadness. We didn’t do anything exciting for Valentine’s Day- nothing like we had in the past. Sitting at dinner we barely spoke because we were too tired to process aloud- how boring were we I thought to myself.
It wasn’t until I stepped back from it all that I began to see how our Valentine’s Day wasn’t boring at all. We were able to enjoy cinnamon rolls (shaped into hearts) for breakfast, we were able to exchange treats along the way and actually saw each other for a few minutes during the day (which rarely happens), we were able to sit side by side and enjoy a Western meal together for dinner, we were able to share a Cheerwine (brought back from our travels last summer) and share together about people who had been a huge encouragement over the past year, we were able to watch a Chick flick (I at one point fell asleep, but woke up to Ben laughing hysterically at something that was taking place in the movie), and on and on I could go…
You see I think that Hollywood, the commercials, media in general makes you think that to have a successful Valentine’s Day you need to get all decked up, go the most expensive restaurant, exchange large and crazy gifts (don’t get me wrong… I don’t think these things are necessarily bad- we have enjoyed doing some of these ourselves in the past :), but I think what they forget to share is that love is more than just this day called Valentine’s Day. Love is sticking by a person when life gets hard, it is your husband helping clean the house when you are tired, it is going to the store to pick up groceries so the other person doesn’t have to, it is making sacrifices for the other person and putting them before yourself.
I have a lot to learn in the department of love. Reflecting through this day it was good to reminded that love does not come naturally to us folks here on earth. We need the daily help of our Heavenly Father to make it happen.
So for today- I am content… I am beyond blessed to have this man of God beside me and if all we do today is sit side by side to eat dinner and watch a cheesy movie then I can’t complain. Life is good…
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